Howdy!
I have been busy. Tests and such. I should probably stop failing them. I passed the engineering test, so that's a yay. Now we have to finish our project sometime this week... I gotta get the boys together to work on it. And I'll probably end up writing the paper for it. *siiighhh*
I actually have a little bit of time to sit down and write, yay Thanksgiving break! I went to the last A&M vs UT football game for a while... it's super sad. But I'm glad I was at this one even if the Aggie's lost and my brother was a jerk about it. It's one thing when it's someone who supports the opposing team bragging because they were proud of their team, but it's another when you're being mocked purely because your team lost. But then I just think about how I got into A&M and he didn't, and I feel better. #dontpissmeoff
On the bright side, it was still a really fun game and Bri, Bailey, and Parker got to come see it with me. :-D So overall, Thanksgiving was a success.
Dad visited me last Saturday. It actually went pretty well, he picked me up and we went to IHOP. We had a civil conversation, nothing awkward was brought up. We went to Walmart to get random stuff, then he dropped me off at my dorm, I showed him around a little bit and he got to meet my roommate. He took about a million pictures of me, I felt like I was two again and everything I did needed to be documented. He started crying as we were hugging goodbye. I dunno, if little visits go this well every time then maybe I wouldn't be opposed to seeing him more. But it's still really hard.
I'm trying to get out of my numb state of mind. If I just don't care about something then I don't have to deal with it. I was laughing at my suite mate's term that she had "Asian failed" something, meaning she didn't get an A, but she got a high B, but it wasn't good enough. I remember being like that, and now I just don't care. I know the only reason I was like that was to please my father, but at times I wish I still had that kind of "I don't want to be a disappointment" motivation to make me do stuff. I also used to do it as a competition, but that was high school, I don't have a fighting chance of competing with these nerds who have already taken most of these classes. I know myself, I know I could do better, I just have little desire to actually do so. I don't try. I'm not focused. I don't have a goal. I'm just kind of here. There's more to living than being alive... something's wrong when you have to bribe yourself to get out of bed. I don't feel as depressed as I used to, just numb. WAKE UP AND LIVE YOUR LIFE. Don't just shuffle through it like you have no control over what happens. It's like I'm not depressed anymore because I've realized that I can control my own life, but I'm numb because I don't know what to do with it now that it's mine. I feel like a slave that goes back to his master because that was the only life he'd ever known.
Finals are coming up, and I really need to do well with them... so.... if I somehow magically got motivation to study hard between now and then... that'd be great. Knock on wood though, I don't want a mysterious phone call saying "You need to get an A on all of your exams or I will murder your puppy!" That would actually work though.
Shane, I don't think you are a jerk. You just aren't as funny as you think you are.
Mkay, goodnight!
t.u.*
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