Howdy...
This blog post is long overdue, I realize this.
As the semester approaches the end my apathy grows exponentially. I hate math. I hate calculus. It does not interest me in the slightest. Just because you are good at something doesn't mean you should do it if you hate it. I could be the best pot smoker in the world, doesn't mean I should smoke pot. (My logic is awesome. Calculus=pot)
I feel like it's high school all over again, hating school and living for the times when I could go to work and just forget everything else. I love working. I know in two weeks I'll get paid, but I don't think about it while I'm at work. I love being the person that people come to when they need help, and I love when I can actually do something about their problem. I love asking random people, "Hey, how are you doing? Like, how are you really doing?" I may never see that person again, but I may have just made their day better. You never know whose day you've made. For some reason it means so much more to have a stranger compliment you or show interest in your life. There was this super tall, grumpy, elderly gentleman who was a regular at the Bulverde library, and every time he'd come in I'd do my best to be as perky as possible and ask him how he was doing. I saw him about once a week, and I started noticing a difference when he came in. Little things like how his face would light up when he'd see me, or how he'd ask for me specifically to help him. Yeah, I attract creepy old people, but it was nice to know that I actually affected his mood. I want to be that face with a contagious smile. I want to make your day better. I don't want to change you, I just want to make your life a little more bearable.
So I guess that's my passion in life. I want to be a professional people pleaser. Which makes me sound like a hooker. I want people to know that they are loved and needed. I basically don't want anyone to feel like I have. I want so desperately for everyone to know that they don't need a perfect family to feel loved.
I'm so stupid. I just want the universe to notice me. Thanks John Green.
Maybe I'm like my grandma who was "put on this earth to be an encouragement to others" when in reality people can't stand her.
I just want to make people happy. That's all. Comes from having a father who will never be happy. So yeah, I have serious issues.
How this revelation helps me with pursuing a career, I have no clue... but I'm gonna find out.
The end.
